I was a tool and took an overnight after a gagillion days of school (4, i know im spoiled) went straight to work from school, was there 11-9.  Wasn't so bad.  I talked to this woman who is working the overnights, and going to nursing school full time.  She is also pregnane.  Not that the act of being preganant means you must be bedridden in soome pseufdo-victorian throw back, still though.  She is telling me at CPR training how she keeps her feet in a nucket of cold ice water so that she can stay awake all night and read and do h/w, then go straight to school.  She was like, you only work part time? Am such a slacker... and immensely lucky I don't have to put myself through.  Immensely incredibly ridiculously lucky, and I know it too. 
Anyways, I slept in all day then went to the stephen kellogg and the sixers concert in Davis.  really fun, there was an awful first opener but carbon leaf was playing too and they were baller.  I proceeded to get home and get to downloading.  enjoy. 

All there is is wrrring scrunch
~leaves & feet & muddy boots
all atop debris & detritus & mulch

cold knuckles and nose
Oh! darkening mercurial velvet
night falls where she goes...

Please, give her back
to teflon and fluorescent
not the shadow and black

I had this incredible day today, where I felt so at home and at peace and excited by my career plans, it seems to be geling in this miraculous way.  Somehow at eighteen I fell upon this and throughout a series of events I have wound up here, learning things that are fascinating yet natural to me.  After program and an hour or so of reading I went on a bit of a nature walk still elated from the day's events.  Dark came down so fast and I turned on my heels to get back in the dusk.  Phrases were popping into my head as I stumbled over fallen logs and sank into quick-mud and I sat down to capture some of the beauty, silence, and majesty that happens away from city & smog.  I guess some of that fear that engulfed me as I tripped and stumbled my way back stayed with me and this is what came out. 

So I am here in my woodland chateau for a very very long weekend.  I board occasionally with an excessively tall and excessively German masters student-lady.  She seems to be a pretty sound sleeper so thus far no complaints. Getting here involves a fairly circuitous route which during the daytime is lovely and bucolic and at night is terrorfying.  Why does nobody in the woods believe in street lamps.  The bar that I live over, that plays music untill 2 am, has a streetlight in front of it, why is there none here.  And why do they not feel any compulsion to necessarily number their houses.  Some do but an equal or greater number don't.  Is this some very sneaky way of confusing the outsider's in oh so underhanded colonial sort of way.  What am I thinking of... the town that changed all the street signs to confuse the invading soldiers?  Maybe it was the Nazis, isn't it always the Nazi's?  Just kidding, and to clarify the excessively German thing wasn't meant to be offensive, she is just the right amount of German.  Still no good? oy...

We practiced "empathic listening" today.  A useful yet underused skill in our daily life if you ask me.  It was very much a relief after the 7 minute exercise to crack a joke and go back to being a non-understanding self-centered goofball.  Do you feel that goofball should be hyphenated. Hell, I think hyphenated should be hyphen-ated.  Crunch. 

My posts generally degrade into stream of consciousness type linguistic meanderings.  This may be very annoying but at the same time I think it gives you some insight into the thought patterns, which I think is a pretty interesting part of getting to know a person.  Did I mention I am in grad school for psych.  It's a lot of self reflection.  And a lot of people telling me how I need to be in therapy, for the experience sake of it.  To see what it's like on the other side.  Of course there is alwasy the danger of falling, Alice-like, through. We'll see, maybe I should let go at some point, relinquicsh control and fall through the rabbit hole. 

"The best moments in reading are when you come across something - a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things - that you'd thought special, particular to you. And here it is, set down by someone else, a person you've never met, maybe even someone long dead. And it's as if a hand has come out, and taken yours"

The History Boys by Alan Bennett

This quote, to me, encapsulates the reason behind writing anything, really.  While I think blogging is a bit self indulgent, I also think documentation is crucial to any learning/ growing/ reflecting process.

I am living in Davis Square and commuting to school up in the woods with the hippies.  Some days I wake up and think, much like Job, that I have made a huge mistake.  I mean, I like what I am reading, it's just that there is so much of it.  I hope that this blog does not just become about my procrastination from doing work, although a little of that may be inevitable.  I hope that it can put things in perspective a bit.  And, you know, if someone reads it- turns it into a screenplay- and Meryl Streep decides to play me a la Julie and Julia, well so be it.  My b/f calls Meryl the 'big faker' a quip he stole from Seinfeld.  Meryl, if you are out there reading this, I want you to know that i would leave him for you in a moment, if only you would ask.